Today we had our first experience (in school) with live animals. It was for a class that didn't even exist until this year, Clinical Foundations, where we learn how to do basic things that we wouldn't have gotten formally until our third or fourth year before: proper restraint, medical history, medical records, physical examinations, drawing blood, giving injections, and I'm sure much, much more. We used/will be using dogs. They are the junior surgery dogs. They come from animal shelters all over the state of Iowa. It is a lot like a human donating hir body to science. Instead of being put down at the shelters, which was formally the fate of all these dogs, they came to live at the vet school for a while in order to teach us how to be better doctors and to save the lives of other animals down the road. Yes, the surgeries are terminal, but the number of dogs used is not exorbitant and they are treated with respect and are very important to our education and to the health of future generations of animals. Instead of a life wasted, like many of the animals that end up at shelters, having to be euthenized because of irresponsible companion animal relations (aka pet ownership).
But it was kinda hard. Harder than I thought it would be, I mean, I don't even really like dogs that much. I don't DISlike them, I just don't have the spot in my heart (so to speak) for them that I have for other animals. The first dog that my group had was very stressed out. Keep in mind that these dogs were pretty much all strays their whole lives, so they never got the chance to become socialized like pet dogs do. So just being around people can be stressful for some of them, depending on their background. This dog started out stressed and the problem just elevated. And she was long-haired, so we got covered in dog hair (thank goodness for lab coats, since this was right away this morning), and by the time we could finally get a heart rate on her she had urinated on the table (and some of us) and begun biting.
Luckily there were three extra dogs, so we got a different one to complete our physical exam of. She was much more docile and submissive. She also urinated, but made no sign that she was going to get us. It was stressful to see that first dog so stressed out. At the time, I didn't think it bothered me too much. The blood draw went okay, but the guy doing it didn't palpate the vein thouroughly enough before going in and ended up having to dig around for a bit to get the vein. That made me squirm, for the fact that I know how that feels in my arm, it hurts! So I felt kinda icky that this dog was having that experience. But, still, I didn't think it bothered me too much.

Luckily we finished early and, thus, had two and a half hours of down time before our next class. I was kinda out of commission for most of it, though, cause I felt pretty stressed and sad about the situation in lab. Meredith and I were going to study in the library for morphology, instead we ended up just talking most of the time, though, which was good for me because it made me feel less stressed and confused about the stuff from this morning.

Upon reflection, the whole experience really did bother me. It stressed me out a lot and kinda made me want to cry afterward. Like, this animal wasn't even sick, just stressed, and there wasn't really anything that I could do for it. And I truly do believe that it is important for us to have real live animal experience before getting thrown into a clinical setting and who wants a doctor who has no experience with live tissue to operate on their loved one. It hit me that these dogs didn't ever, most of them, have anyone who loved them like that. It has definitely made me even more adament about resposibility of human caretakers to their charges and about spaying and neutering. Perhaps it has also made me a little more misanthropic than usual for the time being. A strange mix of powerlessness and hope arose within me this morning. Like, I couldn't do anything today and probably won't be able to for a while, and there will always be things that I can't do anything about, but someday, someday I WILL be able to help and fix things, I'll be able to do everything in my power to fix some of these situations and my realm of power will be much larger than it is now. And for the time being, I will do what I can.

On that note, I filled out a form to apply to be involved in queer speakers' bureaus on campus today and am going to email the main queer group here on campus to find out about meetings and activism opportunities. I am ready, I need to dabble in that arena again. I miss the GLBTAU! (crazy, I know.) You guys had better be taking care of my baby! Even though I sorely neglected it for the last while that I should have been taking responsibility for it, when it was partly my charge.

Well, not the note that I wanted to leave this on, but I really am shot and need to get up at 6 again tomorrow morning, so I will be retiring to my sleeping room.

To all those of you in Iowa City, enjoy it while you have it. And appreciate the fact that you aren't surrounded by ~80% people who will be voting for Killer G come November.

I think that I may be starting to carve out a bit of niche for myself here, in my new environment. It is feeling a bit like the slow erosion of a stone when water is dropped one drip at a time in the same spot. It seems like an innocuous, irrationally slow process at first, but eventually and underscoring it all you know that same dripping of water will eventually make a hole right through the stone. But I like that, I think. I definitely like the imagery. I am in no hurry for this, I have decided. I have enough to do with school that I am often busy and I have my sister here at home (and all of you wonderful people out there in Iowa City and cyberspace) to keep me company when I'm lonely. I needn't press the whole social issue here. It will come. I am good enough, I am smart enough, and, goddammit, people will like me.

I do have a friend in my classes. We sit next to each other, are lab partners, eat lunch together often and will study together outside of school hours probably starting this week. We fit pretty well and just happened to fall to one another because she comes directly before me in the alphabetry of our class. She is left handed, liberal, and not at all religious or god-y. See, even on paper she sounds good, eh? ::smile::
I love chemistry, she appreciates it, but just doesn't get it in a way that allows her to love it. I am going to help her with some problems for Physiological Chemistry, just a refresher on how to easily set them up to drive them to solution.

The next two weeks will hopefully bring a bit of outside-of-class hanging out with a colleague or two, for this will bring forth connections on some level other than school or something else fairly superficial.
But, as I said, I am willing to let this flow and not force things. Three years is plenty of time to get to know 100 people, or at least those that seem worth the time.

Sitting here, strangely content, knowing that even if sleep does not come readily I shall be rested.

Today started our journey of dissecting embalmed dogs in Morphology (Gross anatomy) lab. I think that I have a good group. There are only three of us and one of the girls seems to have a real way with a scalpel, the other isn't bad either. And I think that we will be able to work well together and learn what needs to be learned. Boy were the dogs juicy today, though. Nice and freshly done.... I think that we did a pretty decent job on our first dissection, too. Trimmed a good amount of a fat and connective tissue to show the beautiful, striated muscle beneath. They (being the powers that be) have stressed to us (being the VM1 class) not to ruin our dogs, because there are no extras, these are the only ones that we get and have to learn from for the entire semester. We did the superficial dissection of the left thoracic limb. Thursday we will be transecting the major trunk muscle and then the layer of muscles just deep to it on the limb.

I read so much nowadays... I have a new-found respect and empathy for my friend who has been doing this whole professional-type program for months now. Whenever there is a break at school, I study, when I get home, I study. When I get up, way too early, might I add, I go to school and the cycle begins again.

On the brighter side of things, I think that I have a friend-to-be at vet school and am fairly excited about a couple of my seven classes, well, all of them, really, if I don't sum the amount of apprehension and terror that I have for them in with the excitement. Also, I have chocolate pudding and sharp cheddar cheese in my fridge.

Oh yeah, and Thursday is Taco Bravo day!

Because I think that vet school is doing so to me. I have nearly 200pgs of reading for my lectures tomorrow and school hasn't even officially started yet...

I have long been a fan of the night-time Time-Life cd collection "paid advertisements". I mean, it is like a concert medley of all your favorite performers, hosted by a famous performer. Tonight I learned that not only can I tune in at odd times of the night and see Davy Jones advertising for a "Sounds of the Sixties" album, (America's favorite monkey!) but I learned that there is a newer collection out, "Legends" of rock n'roll. The infomercial is hosted by none other than Roger Daltry, of the Who! Thus, life is good, you see.
To top it all off, I have discovered that accuradio (my favorite online radio service) has a new Comedy channel in beta testing. It is loverly!
Now for the brain-hurter, though:
Does anyone know where I could find a pair of cat hand-cuffs??
hehe...

and, no, not in sweet, sweet candy like a jaunty, delicious M&M. But, instead, in a 60/40 poly/cotton blend. Very fashionable. Washes up nicely. Looks great on someone of my complexion...
yes, it is true, folks. I have been inducted and welcomed into the profession of Veterinary Medicine officially tonight at the first annual White Coat Ceremony here at ISU's College of Veterinary Medicine. Things were a tad disorganized, as no one really knew what was going to happen or how it was going to work. But, all in all, it was a great evening. Dessert reception followed, complete with a fountain that spurted chocolate and strawberries and such on skewers. Swanky.

We were seated in alpha-order. It turns out that the girl right before me in the alphabet (by last name) kinda rocks, I think. She seems real neat. I think that we shall talk again. Good things may yet come... She is from NY. Fun, eh?

I'm running to be on the Gender Issues Committee here at the college (there are two reps from each year on this committee). I think that it would be a pretty good fit. I hope that I get it. Just one step closer to completing my plan to take over the world!!! MWAH HA HA HA! ::rubs hands sinistrally:: (does that mean in a left-handed fashion? haha)

A better day in all, I think. Although it have four unfortunate bits that I would like to share, in chronological order, with y'all:
1) Thought everything started at 8:30am, due to looking at an old version of the schedule, hence, though I thought that I would be early, I was actually almost late.
2) The first item of the day was introducing the new dean of the college to us. In his speech, one of the first things he covered: he told us that not all of us are going to succede. He actually said it like that two. That man doesn't mince words, I guess.
3) Got home around 3:30ish, found that I had forgotten my keys this morning and was, thus, locked out of my trailer for nearly an hour until my little sister got home from work. I did, however, spend that time reading a good story, so it was well-used.
4) feet got wet on the way to school this morning from walking through dew-laden grass. They stayed wet all day. When I got home, reading on the porch whilst locked-out, I removed my shoes and socks. My feet were pruney! I hope that I don't get trench foot...

off to read. donating plasma in the morning, more fun reading time. fragments. They. Rule.

orientation, long day. Talked to a fair number fo people, several more than once. A few seem quite nice and pursueable.
Wish that I still had short, short hair. I feel/fear that the way that I look now does not accurately portray what I would like to project to people right off the bat. I blend in with the crowd and am lost amongst a crowd of 80 other women (in my class alone) with medium length brownish hair. It is driving me crazy. I like my hair, I do, and I want to continue on the program of growing it out, but if I have many more days of feeling as I have all day today, it won't last long. With my hair even as long as it was four months ago it would be by far the shortest of any of the women in the class. I would like that. I like that I shaved my head, even if it was only once, it was a growing experience and I am a different person now than I would have been if I hadn't done it. I have spent way too much time on queer activism in the past three years, burnt out a bit, in fact, which has also totally changed me in so many ways... But no one here knows any of that. I have medium lenth brownish hair, a bit curly and frizzy and either too messy or too neat. Yeah, maybe I laugh loudly and I'm a bit pushy or know-it-all (am I still a k-i-a, hopefully not insufferably so), but I am a face in a sea of 107 new faces over 80 of which are women, smart, probably leaders, like I am. And so, because I am invisible, I listen to angry lesbian music this evening. I did, however, mention my queer activism to a colleague and her boyfriend this evening at the picnic, kind of inadvertantly. She asked me about my hobbies and I mentioned that I had spent a fair amount of time during my udnergrad involed in activism, one thing led to another... and I was explaining "queer" to two straight (her boyfriend EXCEEDINGLY straight) people, strangers, one of which I NEED to get along with and work with. Great... oh well, not like I was going to really censor myself around people anywya. It would have come up soon, I'm sure. Whatever...

Not only am I lost in this sea of women that all look like girls (not a bad thing, but, damn, give me some more variation, (Will I have to be that variation? do I NEED to be that variation? Am I that variation?)), but I am surrounded by people who want to become veterinarians, science people for the most part, all of which were smart enough and ambitious enough to be acceptedinto this program. Do I have nothing to call my own? I had gotten used to being the one or one of two-ish people that people I know would come to with sciencey questions, for sciencey answers. None of that now... need a distinguishing feature... gonna drown in this sea of uncertainty. Pond, too big, fish, too small.

There is a Christian Veterinary Fellowship. What the fuck? Its mere existance angers and frustrates me.

We played this orientation game today called "Bus". The room was divided into two sides, a question was asked, for example, "Do you prefere Coke or Pepsi?" one side of the room corresponded to each choice. You stood in the front if you REALLY did and in the back if not so much, on whichever side you chose. One of the quesitons was voting for Bush or Kerry. OVER 80% OF THE CLASS (of 107) STOOD ON THE BUSH SIDE!!!! These are students, almost 100% already have undergrad degrees, almost 100% will be going into debt of at least $40,000 (if not $120,000 or so) to go to vet school, mean age of 23.4 or something like that. WHAT IN THE HELL!!! Am I in the land of Rand McNally? Do people where hats on their feet? Do hamburgers eat people? Because if that is not the explanation, then I am naseous and scared about the future of this country (more so than I already was). I could tell that my fellow sane people felt pretty much as I did, from the looks that we exchanged. Ugh... One girl, from New Jersey, commented that, "that" (said pointing to our illogical colleagues) is why she was scared to come to Iowa. I assured her that not all Iowans are that crazy, Gore did take the state, yes it's a swing state, but most of those kids were either suburb dwellers or farmers with farmers for parents. With such different ideologies, how can people be expected to get along well with one another in close quarters with one another for three years? Ugh, again...

Also, annoyance, the boys kept segregating themselves out from the rest of the class. What in the hell is that? Are we in 3rd grade? Come on!

Frustrated and ready to sleep,
Rachel

Kudos to those who made it this far.

So, I was once told in a class, Principles of Chemistry, in fact, (freshman chem for those of you not "in the know") that if the average human was broken down into elemental form (all of the Carbon, all of the Oxygen, all of the Nitrogen, etc) and sold for the going rate for each respective element, ze would be worth somewhere around $400, [Now, this was four years ago, but I don't imagine that the prices for any of the elements found in the human body have either increased or decreased much in that time.], however, if a person were to be broken down into molecules, cell, tissues or organs, the price would become considerably larger.

Today I found out what 381mL of my plasma is worth, $20, unless it is the second time within 7 days, then it is $30, unless you are a new donator (which I am) then it is $40. Hrm...

I just got back from my first plasma donation session. I have donated neither plasma nor whole blood before this day. I must say that it was not unpleasant. A bit repetitive, but that is just to help ensure that the plasma obtained is safe. It didn't hurt; I didn't even get that chilly when they were replacing some of the removed fluid with saline solution (~72F as compared to the 99F of my body this afternoon). I got to start a book that I have had from the library for two weeks already but hadn't yet touched. I earned $20 for two and a half hours of my time (future visits will average 1.5 they say) and less than a liter of a fluid that my body will replace with no problem over the coming day, provided that I eat and drink normally.

Not that I want or plan to make a career out of this, but I think that I can do this for a couple of hours a week so as to not feel like someone is squeezing my heart in an Iron Maiden every time I think about or spend any money. Also, plasma is used to make important medical things, like vaccines and good things for burn victims. Yes.

Weekend update:
The wedding was nice, if a bit weird to be at a wedding for a friend of mine not a family member or friend of my parents. Simple, traditional ceremony followed by fun reception and delicious cake. Bride was beautiful and cute; groom was witty and charming.
Following the reception, a local bar was attended by certain attendees of the wedding. Karaoke ensued, but the night got too long and tempers were running high. In short, naps were needed but didn't happen until much too late.

There were two quite enjoyable car rides with my library girls, though, those alone would have been enough to make the weekend worth it.

I am off to fold some laundry and watch some mindless sitcoms on the non-internet. A lot of the latter activity has been present in my life lately... I guess that I am just stocking up for that time (set to start in less than a week) when I must cut myself off from the not-internet world and descend into the studying of what will compose a large part of the rest of my life. God, I hope that I like it as much as I think that I will...

Quick comment:
My life has been making me feel more and more like I'm in high school again. I don't like this. Not that I was a bad person then or anything, but I have changed some since then and I like most of the changes. I also occupy a different spot in my universe now than I did then and I do not, DO NOT, want to go back there. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

and my heart's still mostly in Iowa City, does that make me heartless here in Ames?
Quite the question...
So, I know that I have been very quiet for the past couple of weeks... god, could I possibly have already been here in Ames for two weeks (well, on Wednesday)? I guess I can believe it, since it feels like I have been away from Iowa City for months. How can somewhere that is only about two hours and two weeks away (if you don't count last weekend that I actually spent there) feel like a lifetime away? Perception of time indeed...

"What have I been up to in the past two weeks since my last earthshattering entry?" you, my loyal followers, are asking. Well, not a whole lot, is the short answer. For a longer answer, including snapshots of events, thoughts, and feelings, read on, dear reader, read on.

The move from my dump of an apartment in IC went surprisingly smoothly and quickly. What I thought would take two days (including the final cleaning) actually only took one kind of long day. My mom came down on Tuesday under the pretense of helping me get packed up. Minimal packing took place. I was stressed out, but not horribly so, kind of school year-test not for a couple of weeks-stressed out. Wednesday, Dad and middle sister come down with flatbed to move big things. Had the apartment pretty much emptied in two hours (including some major tension between parents and much foot-dragging by me). Ate lunch. Mom and I stayed behind to clean apartment. We were going to spend the night on an airmattress and finish up the next day, but I decided that I would rather just get it done and get to Ames so that I could start unpacking. Cleaning done, to Ames about 11pm. Mom spent the night since she was just going to have to come down again the next day anyway to help move in. STRESS~!
I'm trying something new, not waiting until I feel like sitting down to type an entire long-winded entry before I post something new. So this will be the first of several installments.