Good news, my people, the Seuss cake has turned out BEAUTIFULLY!! I shall post pictures of the assembling and the final product at some point soon, hopefully. I need to retrieve them from Troy's digital camera and figure out somewhere where I can have them hosted so that I can put them up here. But I promise, the wait will be well worth it. This cake a creation of which the cat in the hat himself would be proud, including much mess and disorder and a few fiascos on the way to its completion!
Fanfare!
Drumroll!
Now I must clean...

To a birthday celebration for Dr. Seuss!!!!
When: Saturday, Feb 26, 2005, 1-3pm
Where: Firehouse Books, Downtown, Ames, Iowa (on Douglas St)
What: To celebrate the genius and memory of the late, great Dr. Seuss, who would have been 101 year old on March 2 this year!
Nifty Cat in the Hat cake will be provided to all attendees! Bring your favorite Dr. Seuss book to read or have read to the crowd.
Who: Anyone and everyone. Children of all ages 0-312!

Because I fear that I may have tuberculosis, contract from our goat, Guinness. Well, I may fear that, but my trip to the doctor yesterday said otherwise.
Here is the timeline up to now:
Three weeks ago- upper respiratory illness, much inflamation and soreness, copious amounts of mucus. Fun was had by no one. Recovery time- ~2 days
A little over a week and a half ago- sore throat is back. What a cruel world! Here comes the runny nose as well. Didn't my immune system just give this bug the old what for? Coughing, much coughing, mostly at night. This makes it hard to sleep.
Recovery time- for the sore throat, ~3 days, the coughing, read on.
Yesterday night, middle of the night- I have been coughing all night, little sleep has been obtained. My throat is now raw and sore from coughing. Then breathing becomes increasingly difficult. Wheezing and labored breathing do not make any bit of life easier, let alone getting sleep. Nose is stuffy again too, where did that come from? Time passes, morning comes, the condition has only worsened. I have a fever. All of my muscles are sore and I have a headache, both likely from coughing. Pulse is racing, likely due to fever. I decide to forgo histo/phys, on account of not being able to breathe, and obtain a doctor's appointment to try to fix my respiratory apparatus. Student health appointment is obtained suprisingly quickly (I called at 10:12, the appointment was 10:30). Fever, 100.8F. Racing heart, 120bpm. Labored breathing, it's gotten worse. Lung capacity, ~50%. Lung sounds, PERFECT. WTF? Well, at least it isn't TB. So, I was nebulized with Albuterol, no effect except shakiness and numbing of extremities. I was sent home with cephalexin, prednisone, and an albuterol inhaler. Come back in one week, we will see where things are. Ok. Fine.
Yesterday afternoon- slept for five hours, took ibuprofen, fever finally broke. Could breathe much better by bedtime, still not 100%. Much less coughing.
Went to morning classes only today, I faded quickly once I got up this morning and the cough was returning. I also figured that my lungs could use a break from the formalin-soaked, rumen-stink-laden anatomy lab, so I was already planning on passing up that this afternoon.
Books were bought (2 Seuss, one sex manual, I figured, the first two were a must for tomorrow's Seuss party, the third was a present long-awaited for being sick), lunch was had, in public, whilst reading said sex manual, groceries were bought for supper and seuss cake, nap was taken.
There have been a few small, contained mini-fiascos with regards to the supper and seuss cake, but everything is well undercontrol, except for the fact that it is now 10:30 and the red velvet layers (hopefully I will be able to get two out of this single cake) are still in the oven. Why do I have such fabulous elaborate ideas??
11:13pm UPDATE- A single red velvet cake did not seem like it was going to be sufficient to make two layers in the finished product. Thus, I have just put a second one in the oven (~30min). Then it must cool (goddess knows how long this will take, I have been putting them outside for super-cooling once 15-20 min are up, though, so that helps) before I can frost them.
Also, there is a rhythmic clicking noise in Troy and Rachel's kitchen that is driving me BONKERS!!!! And this computer monitor makes this really high frequency noise that Troy can't hear, but it drives me OUT of MY GOURD!!
The assembling of said Seuss cake will hopefully go off without a hitch, or without many hitches, anyway. The plan: red velvet layer, white layer, red velvet layer, shaped like the cat in the hat's hat, frosted to resemble this famous hat.
We will see where dental floss, a sharp, cold knife, a paper pattern, and plenty of cream cheese icing in red and white varieties will get me.
With any luck, I will be in bed, with a fabulous cake under my belt, by 1am. Wish me luck. Off I go.
11:45 UPDATE
Feeling less grumpy. Just had mind-blowing sex. Cake #4 is almost done (#1 was a lost cause, fell to pieces).
I think that I will leave this entry here.
Goodnight, world!

The information that vet schools give out about themsleves should say something about the constant frustration and beating-down that students so priviledged as to attend get the opportunity to be subjected to most days.Now THAT would draw people in...

6 times in 32 hours, that is all I have to say. I am beaming. Can you see me??

(Originally posted on February 15, 2005)

The subject line is from a Billy Joel song, "Summer Highland Falls". This song is one that immediately identified with and loved the first time I heard it over four years ago now. I was always a Billy Joel fan, but had had fairly limited exposure (only the radio, really) until Cianan, who was a huge fan and had a lot of Billy Joel cd's. The lyrics of this song are... wonderful, the melody is beautiful and simple. I am including them herefor the enjoyment of all.

They say that these are not the best of times
But they’re the only times I’ve ever known
And I believe there is a time for meditation
In cathedrals of our own
Now I have seen that sad surrender in my lover’s eyes
And I can only stand apart and sympathize
For we are always what our situations hand us
It’s either sadness or euphoria

So we’ll argue and we’ll compromise
And realize that nothing’s ever changed
For all our mutual experience
Our separate conclusions are the same
Now we are forced to recognize our inhumanity
A reason coexists with our insanity
And though we choose between reality and madness
It’s either sadness or euphoria

How thoughtlessly we dissipate our energies
Perhaps we don’t fulfill each other’s fantasies
And as we stand upon the ledges of our lives
With our respective similarities
It’s either sadness or euphoria.


Quick update:
School is sucking a lot. I have been studying more this semester than last, but my scores are not showing this, which is very frustrating, to say the least. For those of you who know me (especially those of you who have known me since early undergrad or ::gasp:: high school!), you can probably imagine my reactions. Yesterday was a good day turned awful turned amazing. Woke up beside two people that I love and stayed there until the last possible moment. My throat was on fire and felt about the diameter of a pencil, though. Ran into Cate driving home on my way to school, she had a funeral of a peer to attend. It was a suicide, she was sad. I gave her a kissing hand to help her remember that she is loved and it will all be okay. Histo/phys was excruciating. Neurobiology test went alright, I think, but I was actually falling asleep between questions due to feeling like crap (the immune system at work!). Decided that neurobio lab was out of the question due to the way that I felt. Told my prof, he said it was a good day to miss since we weren't going to have a test. Went to Target for decongestant, soap and a toothbrush (to keep not at my house...). Slept for four hours, felt better, though light-headed. I needed to eat, since I hadn't since 7:30ish that morning and I had a cereal bar, not too substantial. This light-headedness led to nausea, led to not wanting to eat, even though I needed to. Also, there were surely interleukins at work diminishing my appetite whilst making me feel icky while attacking the invaders in my body. Got lonely and sad, was hormonal on top of it all.
I began to study at Troy and Rachel's and Troy came home shortly. Cuddling, crying, and talking was done, I felt much much better afterward. It's amazing how far a little bit of love can do to fix feelings. My night just kept getting better after that. I am amazed, speechless, at the situation in which I have recently found myself. Little in my life has felt as wonderful and right as this and if I believed in some sort of diety or organizing being, I would be giving them thanks. As I do not, I have chosen to thank many dieties, though for the ritual only, and I also choose to become further amazed at biochemistry, neurobiology, and animal behavior. That anything can make a person feel as I have lately. I sincerely hope that every person out there (that reads this journal and that doesn't) is lucky enough to feel what I am feeling. The world would be a better place.
I have been rambling and need to now go look at rumen fluid. Good day to all of you. If I love you, we should talk soon. If I don't, talk to someone that you love, it will improve your entire world-view.

I guess that I have actually been pretty updatey this week. I will fill y'all in on some other little things that are notable since I am done eating lunch and my comrades are nowhere to be found. That's fine, i'd rather be free to just let my mind wander and dwell on a few certain things right now than to have to carry on a conversation with anyone, anyone except you, that is, dear readers.Anatomy test grades are in, I did worse than I was hoping. What is worse, though, is that I did worse that I THOUGHT that I did. I didn't think that i did amazing, I wasn't having superlative thoughts or anything, but the percentage of my classmates who did better than I on this test has definitely shaken me up. :(Radiology quiz on Tuesday. Our teacher is evil, that is all there is to it. She has only two modes (both of which are condescending): She treats us eith eras thrid graders or as radiology residents. There is no in between. This is very frustrating. She had some unreasonable expectations for us on this quiz, especially considering the worth of this class (credit-wise) and it's proported position in the curriculum.Tuesday night was fabulous, though, as I went over and had some good conversation with Rachel and was able to read and give her the book that I recently bought for her. Have you ever known anyone with whom you feel you have never had an insignificant interaction? Yeah, it's like that. I think that some cross-communication and discussion should be had soon, well, sometime anyway, I guess that I am really in no real hurry. There is time. And perhaps one step at a time really is a good way to do things. I don't know...There was much studying and more good conversation, be it online, Wednesday. Trouble is, there is no such thing as "enough" studying, I think. I really do think that more studying wouldn't have made much of a difference on how the test on Thursday morning went.Histology/Physiology test 8am Thursday morning... ugh. It could definitely have gone worse, but it could have been much much much much better as well. Part of the test was 37 multiple choice questions worth 150 points. That is all that I shall say about that.Last night was supper with the girls at La Fuente here in Ames. Mexican food. I had never been there, it was pretty good. Our waiter was disconcerting, however. Now, if you know me, you know that I have little to no personal bubble, but this guy was really getting on my nerves. The touching of shoulder and arm, the faux hitting with the menu, the odd looks, the leering. I was close to hitting the guy in the stomach or something.Then I went over to T&R's and did my reading for today followed by an hour and a halfish of piano and singing, mostly Christmas carols. It was awesome and wonderful, it felt so good. No one was around so I could sing totally full voice and not disturb anyone. Troy came back in the middle of O Come, O Come Emmanuel, finally. :) Last night was great. I didn't want to leave. Because of that, I got home with only 10 minutes before having to leave again to come to school for the day. Cate snuck up on me (well, maybe that wasn't her intention) whilst I was brushing my teeth and I was close to poking a hole in the back of my throat, I swear. There is a new rule at our trailer:NO MORE SNEAKING!Oh, there is an amusing story about Wednesday afternoon that I want to put in here, but I need to get to class. Later, I shall post it later.

but not hedonist excess, as might be often implied with such a word. This is a week of excessive tests, condescension, studying, frustration, and goat fat.
Luckily for the powers that be that I have also been able to pluck some golden moments from this week's experiences thus far. Hopefully that will continue.

So, I have developed some sort of a Pavlovian response to the lecture hall in which we have almost all of our classes at school.
I go in, sit down in my seat, and nearly immediately begin falling asleep!
This response seems to be independant of the class, my interest in the material, and my current sleep status.
How do I fight this? Any ideas?? I would really like to not fail out of vet school because I can't seem to keep my eyes and ears awake for the material...

Cruel, cruel world. What are the first three pieces of my day??
1) Waking up (does it get crueler than this?)
2) Looking outside to see that it snowed over night! (It was still raining at 6pm yesterday, which means that there is ice underneath this unassuming blanket of white)
3) Almost putting Lawery's Seasoning Salt on my applesauce instead of the cinnamon-sugar that I was reaching for.

I tell ya, histo/phys and neurobio had better be damn lovely this morning. I am feeling a bit surly, but I think that it is mostly to cover up the fact that I am feeling rather sensitive in reality and surly is easier to deal with right away in the morning.

This has been one of the best, most unexpectedly perfect weekends in history. A Friday night with no studying, a call from a good friend, and supper with the guy that I'm seeing. A really, really good, deep, satisfying, life-changing talk. Lying in bed until after 11 am, talking etc. What a way to kick off a day. Everyday would be like that, if I ruled the world. I think that people would be happier, less angry, and more willing to cooperate and help each other if more days started like that for more people. An afternoon of studying, a necessary evil, as I have four tests in the next eight days. Then, my very first ride on a motorcycle! (Don't worry, helmets were had by all.) It was... amazing, exhilerating, made even better by my companion. At first it was so scary, though. It is still hard to believe that it is legal, really. I felt so exposed, naked, like I could be dashed to the pavement at any moment, with any wrong move by any number of things/people. The turns were the worst at first, but I got into it as the ride progressed. Now I think that turning and acceleration may be the best. The whole ride, I just kept thinking, "wow, I must really trust this guy." The whole ride seemed a pretty good metaphor for this whirlwind relationship on which I have recently embarked. We went outside of town, onto a gravel road and watched part of the sunset. Hopefully there will be more evenings just like that. I would like that very much. When we got back to the house, we smelled like oil and fresh air and dirt, the combination of which is one of my most favorite smells in the whole world, and very much a turn on. ;)A great evening.Supper with some extended family, two wonderful kids, an ex-wife (I wish I had a better word), a new partner, a brother anda mom, a bit awkward, but totally bearable. I may have been a bit abrasive at times, however. I suppose that it wouldn't kill me to smooth some of my edges a bit, in certain company anyway. The most stressful part of the meal was really that I felt that I needed to censor myself in what I said and did a bit. I am capable of doing so, but I greatly prefer not to. Even if I am not actively censoring myself, knowing that it is something about which I must think stresses me out sometimes. I would rather be able to speak frankly about sex and political beliefs and Jesus porn and deal with whatever dialogue or confrontation may come from that than have to think about whether what I am saying is "appropriate" because that is such a judgment call. I also don't like that idea because it involves such judment calls and assumptions. "Appropriate" varies so greatly from person to person. And who am I to assume that because of one thing about you, you wouldn't think that a certain comment or idea was "appropriate". I don't know... so, anyway, it stressed me out more afterwards than during. So I did a bit of picking up/cleaning after dinner. It is what I would have done in my house, so I figure, "Why not?"Fun games were played with the kids. Bed was retired to by all (although not willingly by the youngest of the group).This morning was a bit early, but that meant that I had much time to converse with a new friend with whom I have not yet had enough conversation. I question whether I will ever have enough conversation with her. She is really amazing. She is easy to be around and to talk to. I miss her during the week when she is gone to her long-commuted-to-work. I told her my currently most defining story/"relationship story", that of the long and sordid Cianan affair. She told me bits and pieces of her equally long and sordid tale. :) I will be collecting pieces of it as I go, as I am sure she will be doing with mine. I guess that I just have a bit more of a tendancy to talk and talk all at once, marathon style, and she seems more apt to do some sort of a triathalon or something, everything is covered in nice detail, but no need to do it all right now or to tell all of a single story right now. She has lived more than I as well. So I suspect that she has more tales to tell. I also have a tendancy to dominate conversation at times, so that surely comes into play as well.Ways have been parting for napping, showering, clothes changing and studying. Paths shall likely converge later, as there is a bookstore to be visited, a recorder to be retrieved, perhaps a movie to watch as well. Definitely, there is more companionship to be enjoyed.
The past two weeks have me feeling grounded, somehow, despite the considerable life and mental upheaval that has taken place.
I have said the following twice in the past couple of days, but I shall say it again, as it is true:I feel like a family opened up and swallowed me. It is a beautiful, loving feeling. And I really feel greatful for the time I have had there so far and the time I will have in the future. For the first time since I moved to Ames at the end of July, I feel like I have found "home" here. And for that, there are no words.

Before school, fabulous, really, really great, except for the whole having to get up and out and go to school thing.
Morning classes, my brain, where was it? Well, I tell you, the instructors were not doing their parts to keep it in the room. Interestingly, my neurobio prof, who is this super cute little older man from Japan told us of how he and his roommate when he was working on a residency here in the states (I think) spent three nights a week for a whole year trying to learn how to play the guitar and he still couldn't do it. He tied that in somehow with neurons and the spinal cord...
Lunch, nap, been getting sick feeling all morning. Definite upper-respiratory problems have surfaced at this point. Nose full of mucus, drips at inopportune times.
Afternoon class, visited swine operation. Slogged around for two hours in pig shit and ammonia waste, not my idea of a good time, or even a mediocre time. If there was ever any doubt, which there wasn't, I AM NOT going to ever ever ever be a pig vet.
Went home for shower to rid myself of the stench. Had a nice first 45-60 seconds, then the water turned cold. I was already past the committed step to showering, so I had to finish in the cold water.
Grumpy, grumpy, grumpy.
Another nap.
Studying anatomy.
Supper with Troy.
More studying.
Now I am home again because I think that my brain might be somehow liquifying and dripping out my nose. The american people don't want or need to see that. My bed, however, is going to be just that lucky.
Now, some of you may think that the next statement is out of character for me, but you would be wrong:
I know that the past week and a half have had some stresses, trials, and tribulations, but those memories have faded and paled in comparison to the amazing and simple memories that I have acquired in that same period of time.

Recently, a good friend of mine had a chance to meet the guy that I am seeing. The following is a direct quote of my friend from a conversation after the fact:
"He's fucking gorgeous... the beard... like a sex-able jesus."
This made me smile for sure. Did it make you smile? anyone?