This has been one of the best, most unexpectedly perfect weekends in history. A Friday night with no studying, a call from a good friend, and supper with the guy that I'm seeing. A really, really good, deep, satisfying, life-changing talk. Lying in bed until after 11 am, talking etc. What a way to kick off a day. Everyday would be like that, if I ruled the world. I think that people would be happier, less angry, and more willing to cooperate and help each other if more days started like that for more people. An afternoon of studying, a necessary evil, as I have four tests in the next eight days. Then, my very first ride on a motorcycle! (Don't worry, helmets were had by all.) It was... amazing, exhilerating, made even better by my companion. At first it was so scary, though. It is still hard to believe that it is legal, really. I felt so exposed, naked, like I could be dashed to the pavement at any moment, with any wrong move by any number of things/people. The turns were the worst at first, but I got into it as the ride progressed. Now I think that turning and acceleration may be the best. The whole ride, I just kept thinking, "wow, I must really trust this guy." The whole ride seemed a pretty good metaphor for this whirlwind relationship on which I have recently embarked. We went outside of town, onto a gravel road and watched part of the sunset. Hopefully there will be more evenings just like that. I would like that very much. When we got back to the house, we smelled like oil and fresh air and dirt, the combination of which is one of my most favorite smells in the whole world, and very much a turn on. ;)A great evening.Supper with some extended family, two wonderful kids, an ex-wife (I wish I had a better word), a new partner, a brother anda mom, a bit awkward, but totally bearable. I may have been a bit abrasive at times, however. I suppose that it wouldn't kill me to smooth some of my edges a bit, in certain company anyway. The most stressful part of the meal was really that I felt that I needed to censor myself in what I said and did a bit. I am capable of doing so, but I greatly prefer not to. Even if I am not actively censoring myself, knowing that it is something about which I must think stresses me out sometimes. I would rather be able to speak frankly about sex and political beliefs and Jesus porn and deal with whatever dialogue or confrontation may come from that than have to think about whether what I am saying is "appropriate" because that is such a judgment call. I also don't like that idea because it involves such judment calls and assumptions. "Appropriate" varies so greatly from person to person. And who am I to assume that because of one thing about you, you wouldn't think that a certain comment or idea was "appropriate". I don't know... so, anyway, it stressed me out more afterwards than during. So I did a bit of picking up/cleaning after dinner. It is what I would have done in my house, so I figure, "Why not?"Fun games were played with the kids. Bed was retired to by all (although not willingly by the youngest of the group).This morning was a bit early, but that meant that I had much time to converse with a new friend with whom I have not yet had enough conversation. I question whether I will ever have enough conversation with her. She is really amazing. She is easy to be around and to talk to. I miss her during the week when she is gone to her long-commuted-to-work. I told her my currently most defining story/"relationship story", that of the long and sordid Cianan affair. She told me bits and pieces of her equally long and sordid tale. :) I will be collecting pieces of it as I go, as I am sure she will be doing with mine. I guess that I just have a bit more of a tendancy to talk and talk all at once, marathon style, and she seems more apt to do some sort of a triathalon or something, everything is covered in nice detail, but no need to do it all right now or to tell all of a single story right now. She has lived more than I as well. So I suspect that she has more tales to tell. I also have a tendancy to dominate conversation at times, so that surely comes into play as well.Ways have been parting for napping, showering, clothes changing and studying. Paths shall likely converge later, as there is a bookstore to be visited, a recorder to be retrieved, perhaps a movie to watch as well. Definitely, there is more companionship to be enjoyed.
The past two weeks have me feeling grounded, somehow, despite the considerable life and mental upheaval that has taken place.
I have said the following twice in the past couple of days, but I shall say it again, as it is true:I feel like a family opened up and swallowed me. It is a beautiful, loving feeling. And I really feel greatful for the time I have had there so far and the time I will have in the future. For the first time since I moved to Ames at the end of July, I feel like I have found "home" here. And for that, there are no words.