So, I recently discovered the existance of a movie that might be the worst ever made (I haven't yet seen it). I told a good friend the title only and he decided that he must have it. I bought it for him for $2. A note, the spelling mistake and exclamation points in quotation marks are actually on the box.
The movie is entitled: "Pinata: Survival Island"Tag lines:"A weekend to dismember." and "You don't get voted off this island!"The synopsis:"A group of college fraternity and sorority kids show up for an island adventure, the annual Cinco de Mayo treasure hunt. With women's and men's underwear scattered around the island and guy and girl teams handcuffed into pairs, the testosterone is high and the scheming is down and dirty to collect the most underwear before the finish line. The fun and games turn into a contest of survival when two of the co-eds smash an ancient pinata reviving the demon sprits within. Evil has gone whack! Suddenly the drunken and sexy exploits become hide-from-the-creep. Only something this evil could tear such good friends apart!"
On a personal note, this past week in my personal life has been intense and amazing. I don't know why I don't go out and meet new people more often, because I have had some damn good luck in the person-meeting department. I really love all of you, my people.

So, if you had asked me on Saturday, I would have said that my little sisters may be dead-set on never allowing me to get a full night's worth of sleep ever again. However, I am now convinced that other people are involved in this conspiracy...
First disturbance: Little sister calls in the middle of the night (1:30am, I have been asleep since 10pm), crying, wakes me up, her issue was worth waking me for, but it still did wake me. Then I couldn't fall back asleep for over an hour, I thought that my heart was going to burst out of my chest from the stress of being woken from a deep sleep.
Second disturbance: Little sister calls again, this time actually right before I went to sleep, but I am going to count it anyway, as it prompted a delay in my bedtime. Another good question. Glad that we have that kind of relationship where I am her go-to person for so many issues. It never used to be that way. It is empowering and fulfilling to know that she trusts me that much and that I can help her develope into one kick-ass, cunt-lovin' woman (hopefully:). Anyway, I'll be damned if either of my sisters is uninformed on their bodies, sex, choices, and feminism.
Third disturbance: Middle sister calls at 4:15am (I've been asleep since a bit after 1am, probably) to tell me that she and her boyfriend are on their way to the ER because she just can't stop throwing up, she thinks it may be food poisoning, has been like this for 3ish hours, can I please be sure to bring the insurance card with me. I pull on clothes, run a toothbrush over my fuzzy teetch (why can't I just brush them constantly? wouldn't that be glorious, constantly freshly cleaned teeth?), grab a book, a bottle of water, a granola bar, and trivial pursuit cards to keep busy and fun while we are there. Get there, give the insurance info to the triage nurse. Sit and wait in the reception area with Chris (the boyfriend). He is not interested in trivial pursuit (the jerk) and my few attempts at conversation fizzle quickly. He seems to make no effort. We finally get called back (50min later). No, let me rephrase that, HE gets called back, I tell the nurse I am the big sister I live with her and she's like, "well, I'll have ask if you can come back." I followed anyway. It was a nasty UTI, they had her on fluids and were just giving an anti-emetic when we got back there. The nurses were nice. One of them had even spent her x-mas eve in the ER with her best friend for the same reason. Cate is sleeping, Chris is still totally uninterested in trivial pursuit (which I KNOW that he likes) or conversation. So I read my book about contraception. I got five good hours of reading it in. He got in five good hours of staring at the floor and my sister, like a lump. I don't really like him anyway, longish story, and this didn't help. Things that also didn't help: He calls her "hon" every other word! Now, I don't mind pet names, fine, but give me a break! That is overkill. Why does she even have a real name, huh?He calls her Cathryn, her given name. No one has ever called her this unless she was in trouble. Catie, Cate, those ones are right.He isn't even making an effort to get along with me and play nice, which is annoying because I AM.He actually has the gall to tell me that I can go home if I want to, he will stay with her. Yeah right, buddy, over my cold, dead, stiff body will I leave my little sister with you when she's in the hospital, even if it isn't a big deal that's wrong with her. I'm family. As far as I'm concerned, right now he is just an inconvenience.
So, to make story short, are there for 5 hours, then they release her. I have him take her home while I run to the store for clear liquids for her to ingest due to the nausea. The weather sucked, I was cranky, grumpy, and really fucking annoyed with the entire situation. I fumed as I went to Hy-Vee. Piced up some gatorade, diet 7up, and chicken noodle soup. Didn't even think to grab a cart of basket, couldn't manage the beverages and the soup, stuck the cans of soup in my coat poackets. I then spent the rest of the time in the store paranoid that I would be ambushed and get in trouble for shoplifting, which I wasn't even doing.Left for home, fumed some more. I thought, "he'd better not be in spot in the driveway, dear lord, just don't let him be in my spot again, that will be the proverbial straw!" Home I returned and guess where his jeepy thing was parked?? You got it! My spot! So, not only is he killing the environment and people in the middle east with his gas-guzzling SVU, but he is inconsiderately parked in my spot. I live here. I DO. And I had to park on the street. I got inside, he mumbled that she had thrown up the 7up from the hospital, I asked him to repeat it due to the mumbling. Terribly inconvenienced, he repeated himself, not much better, and proceeded to leave without another word. Well, let me tell you, I have one word for you: jerk.End of third disturbance.
I was able to catch 2 hours of sleep before needing to get up and go over to the school in order to study anatomy with a group of people who have different animals than my group does. That went well. So much accomplished in 1.5 hours!
Went home to study, ended up putzing around online, talking to people online. Contra dancing was that night. I had decided that I couldn't go since my sister was sick. However, the more I told someone else onlin about it, the more I wanted to go. Finally, I asked what she wanted and she said I should go and have fun. So I did. I invited a new friend to come along. Supper was eaten (delicious), dancing was done (delirious), and ways were parted (fairly indifferent). Shower was had here at home, felt so so good as I was incredibly sweaty from the evening of dancing. Then talking with said friend commenced online. Feelings were shared, desire to see each other more was expressed. An amazing ~12 hours followed. Such an interesting and attentive guy (with really great hands;).
The final two disturbances were really totally my fault, but if the new people that I have met in the past few days weren't so awesome, I wouldn't have been compelled to spend the last two evenings supping and hanging out with them. So, really, I think that I blame them.
I did get to see "Full Metal Jacket" on Sunday night. Now, I would be lying if I said that this movie has ever been on my "to see" list. I am glad that I have seen it though, from a cultural literacy perspective. Also, it was quite good, some very funny lines and things, although some of them were dementedly so. I am haunted by a few scenes and images from the movie, though, which isn't the greatest. So, in conclusion, I won't go out of my way to see it again, but if I am with a person or persons who would like to watch it I will not abstain.
Last night was full of adventures in cooking. An experimental sweet potato pie was concocted and then partaken of, largely to the satisfaction of all involved.
Alhtough I don't often (ever?) make it my priority or mission to meet new people, this weekend was full of new meetings, both in my class and out (the latter of which makes me particularly happy). I have come away from it with a renewed sense of confidence in my ability to interact in many different situations with many different people despite whatever anxiety and uncomfortability may be involved on my part. Also, I count my lucky stars that I am witty, intelligent, a bit cynical, have an interesting sense of humor, and a have a way with one-liners. Successful weekend in my book. Point-set-match.
Now, if only I didn't have a radiology test in an hour....

So, my middle sister, the one with whom I live, is out of town for a whole week. This makes me kind of and unexpectedly sad. As the subject to this entry implies, I've grown used to her being around and I like knowing that at some point during the day I am going to see her, if only in passing.
Thank the powers that be for the three-day weekend. I have only accomplished a fraction of the reading and such that I set out to do this weekend.
I have allowed myself to become overwhelmed by school already this semester. This perplexed me for most of last week (the first week back). I had a revelation on Saturday, I think it was, about why I am stressing and having so much anxiety about this semester so early in the game: This semester is pushing me even further out of my comfort zone that I think I have ever been pushed for an entire semester. I mean, this semester even our more general classes, like Histology/Physiology, are focusing on large animal examples, since our anatomy course is a large domestics comparative class (cow, horse, goat, pig). And I know that most of the stuff that we are learning is applicable to most any animal and I appreciate that. But sometimes, I just can't get my heart up to speed with my head (to be absolutely anatomically inaccurate:) ). I have a class that is supposed to be basically mostly for those of us who have little to no large animal experience (definately me!). It is supposed to be a safe, non-intimidating environment in which we can become a little bit more comfortable with these species and environments. Horses, beef, dariy, swine, sheep, lab animals, and aquatics (I've experience with the final two). A lot of my classmates were Animal Sciences majors, thus their entire undergrad dealt with stuff like this, but a lot of them are taking the class anyway. Most of the "farm boys" decided to take this class anyway. They have had a very prevalent "good ole boys" attitude so far this semester, even worse than last semester. I mean, I know that I know nothing and I am totally willing to learn. But those students who know are going to be doing a lot of the teaching in this class (just like all the others) and their attitudes make me feel hostile from a distance and they aren't conducive to teaching or learning. This frustrates me. I feel like they should have made an effort to separate the groups by experience at least to some extent (not alphabetically like they did). So, this class is intimidating me to no end. I mean, it is even a pain in the ass to figure out, find, and buy the attire for these farm visits. Gonna cost me an arm and a leg. I mean, I don't own insulated coveralls! So this all brings me much anxiety. I like having a good idea what is going on, I like to be prepared, I don't even know where to start on this class.

On a more content and happy note, I have recently become a member on two LJ communities that are bringing me much joy and satisfaction. I have been sharing my knowledge about sex, anatomy, biochemistry, disease, and just plain old being female and a woman. This is empowering. It makes me a better person.

pinball is love
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I am working on catching up on my correspondence. Well, perhaps that verb should not be in the present tense... I will work on it some more tomorrow. I had forgotten how soothing a balm writing a note to someone can be. Not only is it somehow beautiful and natural for words to flow from the mind, through the arm to the hand and translated onto paper that sucks up the ink of a pen like a mind absorbs thoughts and ideas, but writing is so much more like talking than is typing. And, let's face it, who doesn't like to recieve a note in the real mail. It's a beautiful, romantic, meaningful thing to recieve something not a bill or junk in the mail. I am doing my part to make the world and the lives of my friends more beautiful.
Picking Meredith up went off with little trouble besides her plane's delay. She didn't die and neither did we on the drive back home to Ames. I am SO glad she is back in town.
I have realized something in the past two weeks: Ames is starting to become home, especially when Meredith and Catie are here. I will find my place in this town yet.
And a new anxiety is rippling just 'neath the surface: What about when Meredith goes back to the east coast over summer break this year? I will miss her, that is for certain.

Less anxiety this morning. I just returned inside after over an hour of snow shovelling. Bee's car was boxed in by knee-deep snow from the plows, but at least it was still there. That I had to clear out entirely by hand. The nice old neighbor from across the road, Marlin, I think Catie said his name is, came over with his snow-blower whilst I was shovelling. He did the deep stuff at the end of the driveway and the new deep dripst near the vehicles. I then came in with my lovely shovel and dug the cars the rest of the way out. I did not think ahead well, though, as evidenced by the fact that I neglected to sweep the drifts off of the top of my car until after I had shoveled the rest of the driveway, leaving me to re-shovel the driveway after sweeping off my car. Lovely.
But I feel good. I got a good workout for today (still sore from yesterday. I do think that I may need to find some other shovelling tecnique, though, as my hands are very sore. This worries me doubly since I have a history of tendonitis in my forearms, wrists, and hands.
Meredith has called once this mornign already to update me on her trip back here. I was out shovelling, but Catie took the call and gave me the message. :) My own built-in secretary.
I am sweaty and tired. A shower is in order. Anyone like to join me?

Well, here we are, the middle of yet another blizzard-like night. Shovelled the driveway today, but why? the snow has filled it in again! Luckily, a guy from down the street drove by while I was shovelling and offerred to bring his snow-blower over to help out with this waist-high drift made by the snow plows that was blocking our cars in. How nice of him! However, that didn't stop my hands and back from becoming quite sore. Quite sore.
Trivial Pursuit fun was had with my middle sister and her boyfriend.
My little sister came down and is staying with us tonight before heading back to IC tomorrow in preparation for the women's rowing team winter training trip to Florida. She doesn't want to go anymore, doesn't want to be on the team anymore, and seems to have some anxiety about the entire experience. Thus, I have ansiety about her anxiety. I just keep telling her that she doesn't have to stay on the team if she isn't enojying it anymore what is the point. Also, I tell her how awesome flying is. I LOVE it.
It has been really awesome having Bee in the house tonight. Cate, Bee, and I watched TV and movies and such and all squeezed onto our loveseat-sized couch. Much fun was had by all. I really like the feeling of all of us having fun together. Thus, I have anxiety about how it isn't that way much anymore and may never be again. I don't like change much, not that kind of change, anyway, I guess. Can you tell?
Also, her car is parked on the street in front of our house. There are no signs up, but I fear that she may be ticketed, towed, or buried by snow plows because she is there and it won't fucking stop snowing! Or that, perhaps, the snow plows won't come down our road because she is there and then we will all be trapped! Anxiety!
Also, Meredith is supposed to fly back tomorrow. I am really excited to see her again, I have missed her a lot. However, there are several problems with her coming back:
1) she hates flying and will have had an anxious day.
2) I am picking her up at the airport. How early should i be? Do I wait outside for her? Do I park and meet her inside? WHERE inside? What if I can't find her? What if I only add to her anxiety?? What about this FUcking Weather???
3) Her coming back into town signals that school is going to start very very soon and my heart and brain are not ready for that! Anxiety.
And I need to get a new pair of jeans as my only decent one has holes now, but I haven't yet.
And this weather!
Can you tell that all of this is stressing me out?!?

A friend posted this on his blog and I have been inspired to do likewise. Here is what I figure: why not start the year off right, by giving a little kudos to those people in my life that matter?
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1. Reply to this post if you want to find out why I think you're awesome!

2. Watch my journal over the next few days for a post just about you and why I think you rock my socks.

3. Post these instructions in your journal if you would like to give your friends a much needed dose of love and adoration!

Although in many ways I have a lot more free time at the moment than I do whilst school is in session, I find it hard to sit down and write a real entry. As I usually end up doing, here is a "highlights of Rachel's break so far":

1) X-mas at home. I spent nearly an entire week surrounding Dec 25 staying at home in my parents' house. There were emotional zeniths and nadirs to the entire experience. One of the zeniths was sitting down with my two new vocal and piano books and just playing and singing for a long time after things had settled down last Saturday.
2) Helped my gramma take down all of her Christmas decorations because I am a wonderful granddaughter. It is always a good time just hanging out with my gramma, though. She is one cool person. She makes me feel grown up while still making me feel like I used to when I was growing up and learning so much from her, my great-gramma, and my great aunts. I feel competent and knowledgeable. I feel as though I do know how to make a place a home and am always picking up new little ways to do so. I also, at times, feel as though I am being prepared for being a good wife and mother, though not in an overbearing way, and this could make me ambivalent but it does not. Who can say why? I cannot.
3) Bonded with my little sister Bee. We had a couple of really good, long talks. Maybe I can deal with a more personal relationship with my sisters (that is, a relationship that is more than just sisterly closeness, one that is also friend closeness). Only time will tell, I guess. As much as we still fight, I can tell that we are both in this for the long haul.
4) Winter break speech rehearsal with the large group speech team from my high school. Always, ever since I graduated from high school, one of the highlights of my year is being a guest critic at this annual event. It is a long day, but I have never left feeling like I have not made a difference in at least one student, one performance. Besides that, I just miss speech so damn much. That rush of performing is something that just can't be replicated by some other experience. I will perform again. Until then (and probably during and after as well), I will continue judging and affecting the lives and performances of students whenever I can.
5) One of my favorite activities of the past two weeks is what happened after the rehearsal. That night, I was blessed to hang out with my speech coach/English & theatre teacher from high school and a friend from high school. We sat and talked at Applebee's for six hours! about everything under the sun. And it was passion, intelligence, memories and the future. Some perspectives, both current and past, were shifted. It was good for my soul. I feel nourished instead of wanting and bittersweet as I so often feel after revisiting things and people that I miss.
6) Spent 15 hours in Ames doing laundry, knitting, and entertaining an unexpected visitor before leaving home again to head to another former home: Iowa City.
7) IC was, as always, a whirlwind of people, places, and conversations, some unexpected, some unpleasant, but all real.
8) There are people in my life who absolutely blow me out of the water. When I am with them, there is this amazing connection, this circuit carrying interest, intelligence, and empathy running between us. These are the people with whom I could (and with most HAVE) spent all night talking and then some. The conversations cut me deep, even when they are seemingly a bit superficial. They make me think and I return the favor. Their backgrounds and fields may be miles away from my own, but a mutual interest in... life? knowledge? everything? is shared. Now, many of my self-esteem issues have been ironed out, and I don't think that this is one, anyway, really, but sometimes, when outside of the moment, especially when they are far away, I can hardly believe that the moments, conversations, and connections even occurred. They seem like dreams that clarified some thoughts, but were really just shadows in the night. I am convinced that the connection wasn't ever there, that it is all some fantasy in my head, that I am blowing things out of proportion. Then distance is overcome, dialogue happens, and I know that the connection is real. This is really a bullet about Ryan. Someone I have known for such a short time. Someone about whom I feel I could never have enough information. Someone who has cut me deeply in these few months, those few, but often lengthy, discussions. Somehow, he has managed to single-handedly renew my faith in people and jump-start my spirit. This is getting gushy and rambling. In conclusion, I have been changed for good and don't plan on giving up occasional conversations with him without a fight. On to the next point.
9) New Year's Eve party. Fun idea. In practice, however, it was mostly no good for me. Truly this is my fault. Too many people in too small a space combined with my lack of motivation that night to meet people with whom I will probably never interact. My annoyance with drunk people and a holiday that promotes such inebriation, particularly since I was already grumpy by the time that other people arrived. My frustration with myself for being there, putting myself in such an avoidable situation. My irrational tiredness as-of-late. My crankish bitchiness, unprovoked and undeserved by most people.
There were good bits, though, too. Wicked, the musical. Singing along with said musical. Spooning with Jim for a long time. Lesbians making out on top of Jim while we were spooning. ::smile:: What a night.
10) Found the perfect yarn for a scarf that I have been needing to make for a friend. No use making a surprise scarf for someone if it isn't going to be just right.

The first entry of 2005
Long-winded? yes.
Sincere? yes.
Over? yes
Just beginning? YES!